So, yes. I am one of the many chubby girls that belongs to this very judgemental world. And yes, I used to weigh more than I do now. I used to weight 72kg (first photo) then it dropped to 55kg (middle photo) and then it went up again to 61-62kg (3rd photo and very recent). A lot of people kept asking me, why? how? Like I know the answer?! All I know is that when I started working, all of the weight I lost came back.
To be honest, I was shy. I cannot raise my voice out or fight back when I was getting bullied. I easily believed people when they tell me I’m wrong. I just cry when I’m being attacked. I don’t laugh out loud when my friends tell jokes because I don’t want any attention. I do not believe that I’m pretty. I do not even think I deserved to be called pretty or beautiful. Or even be called cute. It was during the time of the first two photos. I had low self-esteem. I do not believe I deserved to be love. All that sh*tty thing that people are posting about. Yes. That were all true.
But recently, something changed. I got a lot more confident. More outspoken. I found myself beautiful. I found myself to be worthy of being loved. I fought back when I know I’m in the right. I don’t let anyone step on me anymore. I still cry but I don’t let anyone see it. I became stronger.
Yes. I used to be “fit”, as some guys would say it. But I think of myself so low during that time like it seems nothing. Yes. I may be fatter now as they would say but I have never loved myself like this. And I am very happy with myself.
So being confident and thinking of yourself as beautiful? It has nothing to do with weight. It’s all about how you embrace your own self and let it radiate through you.